What if?
by Wuffbert
Summary: Dean Winchester is hospitalized after a nasty car accident and loses the ability to walk. There he meets a fellow patient, Castiel who was injured on the fall to earth. Pain, heart ache and suffering is always waiting at the end of the good times.


"Sammy?" Dean found himself gasping for air, the name of his younger brother was the first and most important name to slip from the hunter's chapped lips. Everything around him was unfamiliar and hazy, however it wasn't long before this haze was cleared by the nerve screaming pain radiating from every inch of his body. There was a rustle of sound before a hand was softly pushing him back down onto the stiff mattress, the face he needed to see peaking through the haze of pain which filtered his eyes. The longer haired brother, Sam, sat beside his brother's bed in the not too large hospital room. It was the best he could get in such drastic circumstances; the room was large enough to fit two beds but small enough to provide the privacy he knew Dean needed. To him it was bad enough his own brother seeing him weak, let alone a room full of people he didn't know and their families. Unsurprisingly as Dean sunk painfully back down onto the bed, nothing caught his attention, the white wash walls and bland, clinically clean, furniture wasn't inspiring his mind to focus on anything but the pain. The white faded to black and he was out cold again, with no real memory of what had caused this conclusion; For two/ three days, Dean wasn't really sure as time seemed to mush together, this continued, the blackness of comfortable unconsciousness absorbing him in from the harsh lighting of the incredibly bland hospital room. During the time he was awake, he would over hear his brother talking with the nurses, snippets of conversation starting to piece together in his throbbing mind. "Car crash." "Bones broken." "Surgery" Were the three things that always stood out to him, and evidently made the most sense.

On what could have been the on what could have been the four day of this constant snooze setting, Dean's body decided to kick start and wake him up properly, for the first time in what seemed like an endless week, he could see properly, hear properly and defiantly not ignore the pain shooting down his spine and rippling across every nerve in his built body. He'd been beaten more times than he could count however he had never felt pain like this before, the hell hound attack he encountered was quicker than this, therefore he felt more pain now. It was constant and annoying. Sam was there every day, Dean was sure he never left, not permanently anyway as he had to do normal bodily functions. Although in the whole time Dean was awake, he swore he'd never seen his younger brother eat, which for Sam, was quite a worrying trait. He was just about finding his voice by the sixth day and everything has sharpened up around him, despite the large amount of pain medication being pumped through his blood, Dean could sit, talk and even flirt with the cute nurse who came to check on him throughout the day. He liked the way her dimples highlighted when she smiled and the way the sunlight turned her brunette hair slightly golden. If he was even considering walking, he would have so gone for it.

By the week marker Dean was basically back to normal, apart from the large amount of pain rumbling though him constantly and the inability to move, his humorous, charming guard had been built back up. 'It must have been one hell of a crash.' He thought to himself as he once again listened in to a conversation between Sammy and the nurses, they were never any good at keeping their tones hushed when It came to what was going to happen next, and from what he could tell. It wasn't good. Sam's stubbly jaw clenched as he shook his head, like he usually did when he was agitated and the nurses were looking at him pleadingly; confusion and intrigue seeped into Dean's pained mind and he pushed himself awkwardly up onto his elbows, just in the hope of catching something a little clearer. Obviously this did nothing however, in the bed just to the side of him, on the opposite side of the room, sat a man who's bed ridden hair resembled something a rich as melted dark chocolate, their sparkling blue orbs watching the hunter as if he may just shatter under the weight of the air around them. For a moment neither of the men said nothing, Dean has seemingly lost his voice again and the other man shifted a little, trying to hold back a wince in the process as he felt as if he'd been caught doing something wrong. This reaction wasn't normal for the other male, which caused a soft blush to tint the tops of his cheeks and ears, not like Dean would notice from that distance. The moment of hesitation was broken when Dean cleared his throat and painfully dragged his body into the sitting position, allowing himself to absorb the sight of his injury. Both his legs were in plaster cast and body resembled somewhat of a mummy with all the bandages twining around his form. "Shit." Was all he could manage to mutter as he slid his gaze up the many tubes and machines he was hooked up to and the sheer scale of what had happened to him, hit him like a boot in the chest.

"Would you like me to call the nurse?" The low tone of the well spoken man across from him, the low rumble laced with a hint of concern as he saw the obvious pain his neighbour was in. However Dean completely ignored the question as his gaze snapped right back up to the hypnotic blue orbs which had caught him off guard. "How long have you been watching me?" He drawled, the thought of someone other than his brother and those professionally trained seeing him in such a weak state annoyed him slightly. However this reaction didn't seem to faze the stranger.

"I was admitted her two days ago, I never wanted to interrupt you or your brother so I kept quiet. " He stated calmly, although low, his tone remained almost unchanging. Even if his voice lacked excitement, his eyes were a completely different story; the skin on his perfectly shaped face was bruised in places and the sensitive flesh around his eyes were red and dark with what could have only been the starts of a shiner and lack of sleep. Even though the nicks and bruises on the strangers face, he had a strange angelic beauty about him, even Dean had to admit that and the calmness of his voice made him rethink that hostility in his voice.

"Oh... Well, I'm Dean, the other one is Sam." With the least amount of movement he could manage, Dean softly tilted his head in the direction of the door, where his brother was still conferring with the nurses about Dean's current situation. He didn't know much about what happened, it was all still a little fuzzy to remember, but what he did know was that he was hit, by something large and the second most precious thing in his life crumpled into something that Sam didn't even think Dean could redeem. The thought just made him more determined to fix his baby and go and find the son of the bitch which put both him and his Impala out of business.

"I know, I've spoken to your brother while you were asleep, since I don't have any family… I'm Castiel." He didn't have any family? Although Dean didn't have much family, he had always had Sam and never wanted to consider a life without him. It was him and his brother against the world, the Winchester's would always break though. The man, Castiel, his name matched his angelic face even if he did now see the sadness in his eyes.

"No family, I bet that sucks, huh?" Dean pondered, watching the man opposite him with what could have been pity, guilt almost because he didn't have any yet Dean did.

"I suppose it's not too bad, I'm not complaining." Cas' shrugged, adjusting the clinically stiff bed sheets which covered his legs. His calmness was something that Dean wasn't used to, his life had always had the element chaos and havoc so the peace was almost unnerving. The words which he spoke made Dean think for a moment.

"Sammy is the only person I have… In the entire world." A painful shrug bounced over his shoulders and now it was Castiel's turn to look pitiful, causing Dean's stomach to flip, he hated when people looked at him like he was fragile, it made him agitated and slightly pissed off.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Dean... I have many brothers but none of them have the time to come and visit me. They have their orders to fill out and one more fallen solder isn't going to make a difference." The way he spoke about his family was like nothing Dean has ever heard before, it seemed as if there was no affection for them, or they had not affection for Castiel. This was a concept new to Dean as he would do anything for his brother, hell; he'd died enough times and even gone to Hell for his little brother. To hear such things just didn't add up in his mind.

"That's... Awful, so none of them have come to visit you? What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" It could have been a touchy subject, so Dean was slightly hesitant to ask, just encase it was something particularly nasty.

"I... Had a nasty fall, it left me slightly damaged." Was all that Castiel gave away about his situation. He didn't want to give away too much although he felt as if he had spoken too much about his personal life already. From what he had seen of the other man, how he interacted with his brother and with the nurses, and from what Sam had spoken about Dean, Castiel trusted him. In his mind this was stupid, because they hadn't even been speaking an hour, however it there was something about this man's charm and his uncaring nature towards the fact he could hardly function that made Cas' heart grow fonder towards him.

The next few weeks saw Castiel's condition improving dramatically, he was able to move around now, walk around the room and even leave it in some cases, on his good days. All luxuries that Dean still hadn't claimed. Apart from the sessions with the physio therapist, Dean was still bed bound and growing restless with every passing day. The feeling in his lower legs would come and go and there was serious talk of amputation. In true character he was having none of it, he knew that being in a wheel chair would be something he couldn't handle. Not as well as Bobby did, he needed to be up and about, hunting thing. That was what his world consisted of, and if he was able to walk then he would have discharged himself weeks ago. Castiel had been keeping Dean company for the most time that they were in the hospital together, growing closer. Sam's visits had become less and less as Dean was encouraging him to go off on the odd, local hunt, however they had to be handpicked by Dean so that his little brother wouldn't be in too much danger.

Being stuck was driving Dean insane, even on his good days he couldn't go more than to the other side of the room without needing to sit down, it was on one of these days where he found himself sat on Cas' bed, it made a change from Castiel being sat on Dean's bed. They had been chatting all morning, like normal, however something was sparking in Dean's stomach, something that hadn't been there before, not really. It was a feeling which he couldn't really explain or maybe he didn't want to understand it himself. When you spend so much time with someone, talking and recovering from something, bonds are made between these people. It was the type of bond which mattered.

"Is there something on my face?" Castiel's voice broke through the haze that Dean found himself in, one which had formed when he had slipped into deep thought. The hunters haunted green eyes widened a little after he had blinked a few times, stunned by his own silence.

"No, why?" He asked with a slight croak to his voice, he wondered if the fact he was thinking about Cas was portrayed in his expression and hoped that this wasn't the case.

"You were staring." The other man said with a slight shrug, only for his expression to twist in pain at the movement, even if he was getting better, things still hurt for him to move. The fall he had been talking about wasn't one that any other human would have felt before. Castiel Novak was an angel of the Lord who had fell from heaven, with some pretty hefty consequences. Naturally he didn't tell Dean this as he knew that the Winchester's were hunters, the most famous hunters on angel radio so getting this close to Dean was dangerous.

"O..Oh.. Sorry." The older Winchester shook his head slightly and let a small laugh rumble through his chest, his hands curling together on his lap. The way that the angel looked at him, sometimes sent shivers down his spine, the reaction was strange and one that he didn't want to admit. He was so used to causing the effect on women, not having anyone cause an effect on him, let alone a man. Although Dean had thought he had found the person he loved once before, Lisa, the feeling in the pit of his stomach when he lost himself in the angelic blue orbs of Castiel's eyes was something that he had never experienced before.

Without thinking Dean leant over and pressed his slightly dry, warm lips to Castiel's, catching him by surprise. The action was a surprise on both parts however all the tension eased when the angel started to kiss back. Shifting slight, Dean settled himself comfortably into Cas' side as they kissed, the contact growing more intense and hot by each passing second. While being on the earth, the angel had learnt a thing or two and this showed by the ease of how he kissed Dean, how he portrayed emotion to the one person he really shouldn't have. The hunter was the first to pull away as he needed to take a breath however it wasn't long before the passionate embrace was resumed, in feverishly hot kiss and a clash of teeth made the men groan slightly in the silent room. Both of their bodies rose in temperature as hands started to wander, cautiously at first because of each other's injuries.

Within the moment of minutes Castiel had eased Dean down on the bed, so that he was laid along the side of him, with their legs hooked together. Their tongues clashed and danced together, wrestling for dominance as the men's hands kept on roaming every inch of the other's hot, hard body until Dean finally gave a slight tug at the angel's shirt, marvelling on how effortlessly he whipped it over his head with only as slight wince of pain. The action had caused the kiss to break and now they were both lost in each other's gaze, their chest heaving for air.

It was more painful for Dean to remove his shirt but he didn't let that hold him back and after small, soft whispers of confirmation it wasn't long before Castiel was carefully working off the uncomfortable hospital trousers in which Dean had been forced to wear. To be rid of them felt good however the feeling of Cas' warm lips trailing up his upper legs was an even nicer feeling. After spending so much time together, they had grown to know the other person's injuries well, therefore Cas knew exactly where to kiss Dean, to make sure he would feel it. The feather light kisses and soft nips were driving Dean insane with his growing arousal, making him restless as his hands threaded through the angel's inky black mop of hair, allowing them to tug at it softly. He was rewarded with a satisfying grunt off the other man as Cas' started to trail his kisses higher, reaching Dean's lips with a sweet kiss.

This kind of passion never ran smoothly, not like in the porn movies. In their situation things hurt which shouldn't have and it was a lot of careful movements. Castiel had risen from the bed to lock the door, discarding his trousers in the process as he laid them in a neat pile next to Dean's before he slithered back up the hunters body, allowing their erections to grind against each other. A small gasp escaped Dean's kiss swollen lips and he couldn't help himself from grinding back against the angel, creating a never ending cycle bumps and grinds. He couldn't help himself anymore, Castiel sunk lower down Dean's body once again, dragging down his boxers in the process so that his stone hard erection was now free. The sight of it made the angel gasp a little before he took it in his hand, pumping the soft, sensitive flesh in a fist, making Dean bite his lip, concealing a moan.

"P-Please." Dean whimpered in a hushed, raspy tone. His eyes were screwed closed as Cas' worked his shaft, pumping him slowly from root to tip, a small smile of delight twitching up on his lips as the angel was rewarded with a small spurt of pre-cum. Pleasing Dean in this way brought Castiel his own joy however he couldn't help himself for giving more, in answer to Dean's plea, he pushed the hunters hard shaft into his mouth, working it with his hand and his mouth as he moved in a constant rhythm. It wasn't long before Dean was whining, gasping and tugging at the angel's hair, churning his hips along with Cas' mouth hurt but he couldn't help it. He was so close to the edge before Castiel pulled away, leaving Dean buzzing with ecstasy, panting and needy.

When the hunter opened his eyes again, he was met with them angelic blue orbs which made something flutter in his stomach, he reached up and cupped Castiel's cheeks, pulling his face down for a kiss. Castiel responded to this with a small hum of appreciation however his lips parted in a gasp as he slowly sank down onto Dean's shaft, the movement causing his back to arch slightly. Dean's hands dropped from his cheeks and he slipped his arms around the angel, holding him to his chest as he muttered soft, passionate words of ecstasy, mixed with the gently comforting of Castiel as he slowly started to ride Dean. That night, after cries of their names, cries of pleasure and pure release. After they had both zapped each other of energy, Dean didn't return to his bed. He lay, nuzzled into Castiel's chest, his breathing consistent and regular as they both nodded off to sleep together.

The next few weeks were a high for both the men, despite the warnings in which the hospital had issued about finding them both naked in the same bed a few times. Castiel was on the road to a full recovery and the day of his discharge had come. It was something that Dean was selfishly dreading however it was a good thing, a brilliant thing even, Cas' was finally able to go home. Sam had came home from a hunt the night before and turned up at the hospital little after ten that morning, just as the nurses were helping Castiel get his belongings together for the leave. The sadness in his older brother's eyes was something that he couldn't miss as he watched his angel pack up, getting ready to leave him. Because everyone else was preoccupied with helping Castiel, Sam was able to talk to Dean quietly, without disturbing or being over heard by the others. As he settled down next to Dean's bed, he lightly touched his arm. This was the first time that Dean had dragged his gaze from Castiel all morning, there was something in them haunted green orbs of his that made something lurch in Sam's chest. "Dean..." He stared but the words failed him, he didn't have words of comfort for his brother, because Dean had never admitted his feelings, aloud, at any point. Sam just knew. Before he could try to say anything else, Dean spoke for him, his voice as broken as the glint in his eyes."I think I love him." Was all that he whispered before Dean looked back over at the beaming angel.

It was around noon when Castiel was fully set to leave and had said his goodbyes to everyone who had worked with him, everyone but Dean. He left him to last. After clearing the room, the angel took a seat next to Dean's bed and took his hand, mindlessly playing with the man's fingers as he tried to formulate the words in his head to get across how he was feeling. Despite the happiness of leaving the hospital, he was filled with sadness, anger and pure fear that he would never see Dean again... "I..." He started but shook his head a little, seeming to hesitate a moment before he started again. "Dean, I have to tell you this before I go... I know it's not a good time, but.. I.." He cut off again, them perfect blue orbs dropped to the floor. Dean knew what he was trying to say because the same thought process was going through his own mind. Instead of letting the angel struggle through the sentence, he simply, yet painfully, pulled himself up and lent over, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to the other man's lips before whispering.

"I know, I love you too." The words rang in Cas' ears but brought him such a sense of relief that Dean could almost taste it in the kiss. The relief didn't last long as Castiel dropped his forehead onto the hunter's, his expression contorted with emotional pain.

"But... I have to leave. I.. I'm so sorry Dean." Was all that he could manage to say, that he was sorry. He wished that he could promise to visit Dean in the future, but he wasn't sure that he could. Knowing that he loved something which was strictly forbidden by the angel's spoilt any chance of them accepting him back into heaven. That day they parted with several sweet kisses and hushed I love yous. Tear's stung the angel's eyes as he raised from Dean's bed side, the lump in his throat making it almost impossible to swallow. He avoided Dean's gaze, which followed him all the way to the door as it was full of hurt, pain and that same darkness which had always been there. All the hurt and heart break that Dean Winchester had faced was written right in his eyes. It broke Cas' heart to look at it before, however now, knowing that he had caused some of the biggest hurt to Dean by leaving, he couldn't bare to look at him. "I love you, Dean Winchester." Were his parting words as he left the hospital room.

Dean's condition only got worse from there, he suffered from loss of appetite, loss of motivation and when the confirmation of his surgery came to him. He had lost all will to fight anymore. By the end of the week Dean had lost the feeling in both his legs and now was no longer able to walk, and wouldn't for the rest of his life. By half way through the next week Dean didn't have his legs anymore. They were amputated in the morning and by Wednesday afternoon he had come around from the anaesthetic. People visited him regularly, Sam was almost a regular fixture, Bobby visited once or twice, along with Garth and Kevin. All people that he used to be thrilled to see, well Garth not so much, but even now he had lost all capability to get annoyed at his lame jokes and irritating manner. All that the hunter felt was numbness.

Sam would sit with him for hours, talking about the things going on in the news, about the hunts that had been reported to Bobby recently and just about things that Dean would usually respond to. However none of these things worked anymore, the older Winchester simply just lay, staring blankly either at the ceiling or the wall. Since the departure of the angel, he had not said more than three words to anyone. Sam was getting desperate now, calling everyone he could think of to try and help Dean get over this. He had tried Castiel's number a few times and left several distressed voicemails for him, but it was as if he had fallen off the face of the earth. Finally, on the twelfth time of trying, the angel picked up. What Sam said to him was unknown to everyone but the two men, but he had explained how Dean was at the moment, shattering every inch of Cas' heart in the process. He was doing so well, physically, but knowing that the man he loved was broken emotionally and physically was almost too much for him to handle. Things were set in place and he finally agreed to come and see Dean when Sam thought the time was right.

Uncharacteristically, Dean did everything he was told by the nurses, just lacking enthusiasm with his actions. Finally he had a moment of peace. It was the night before he was due to be discharged but that didn't matter to him anymore. He was no use to anyone. Without his legs Dean would drag Sam down, make him an easier target. He was no use to himself and he didn't see a point anymore. With the way that their father had raised them, Dean was always told to do what was best for Sammy, no matter the cost. He only knew the hunters way of life, and that wasn't possible from in a wheel chair. Unbeknown to the nurses, all the painkillers that they had been issuing Dean, he hadn't taken, thought the haze of the emotional numbness that he was feeling, nothing hurt so bad anymore. In a small pot, hidden away from all eyes, Dean had collected these painkillers over the weeks and now had enough to essentially knock out a horse. Call his actions cowardly as you wish, but for a man of this type, raised as he was and broken down as he had been. It was surprising that hunters didn't take the easy route more often.

The hospital hallways were eerily quiet that night, making Castiel's footsteps echo in the artificially lit up building. He was soaked from the rain outside, his hair the colour of ink as it laid, glued to his scalp. Although he smiled at the nurses who greeted him, he didn't stop to talk, he only had one person in mind and that was the man who was situated at the end of the corridor. Mentally, the angel wasn't prepared for the state he might find Dean in, but what he saw was nothing that he ever expected. Dean Winchester lay on his hospital bed, unmoving and finally pain free. The sight made the angel drop the bunch of roses in his hands and sprint over to Dean with tears already streaming down his face. "NO!" He screamed, awakening the sleepiness of the hospital that night. Frantically he pulled Dean's heavy body onto his lap as he cradled him on the bed, rocking him. "No, Dean! No!" His words were desperate pleas for the man who owned his heart to wake up, to take a breath. But nothing came. Nurses and doctors rushed in, started and quick to work. No matter how hard any of them tried, Dean Winchester didn't respond to anything and at 12:31 am he was pronounced dead. People had to be rung, Sam had to find out. Castiel was overwhelmed by everything and just held his lover's stone cold hand.

With the hunter's reputation, who knows where his soul would have gone, Castiel preyed harder than he ever had done before, trying to get an inclining of weather the angels had Dean safe and sound, but the radio was in dead silence. Frustrated and uttered destroyed Cas' got up from Dean's side and launched the vase beside the hospital bed, cross the room, shattering the colourful porcelain into thousands of pieces; A physical representation of how the Angel's shattering heart felt. No matter how loud he screamed or how hard he prayed, nobody would answer Castiel, nobody would help relieve his grief. Everything just got so much worse when Sam appeared in the doorway of the room, his red rimmed eyes fixed on his dead brother. The tensions and grief on the younger Winchester's face was visible from his expression, he looked as lost and as broken as Castiel felt. If the expression of Sam's face didn't hurt Cas' enough, then his harsh words of blame did. The venom of his tone was worse than the fall from heaven that the angel had encountered. No matter how much it hurt, he was right.

It was Castiel's fault that Dean was now where he was, so it felt like. If he hadn't of left, if he would have visited him. If, if, if. Dean wouldn't be dead. Sam wouldn't be in this state and Cas would have never lost his reason to live. After falling from heaven, he was disowned by his brothers from rebelling. However the only thing that he ever wanted to do was help the humans, a feeling that not many of the angels' shared anymore. This angel felt the need to do this too much and then fell, fell to rock bottom. The six foot angel in a dirty trench coat wandered the streets for a while, not even bothering to hide the tears rolling down his cheeks from the passersby, knowing that humanity had gotten to the stage where nobody would ask the matter anymore. As a long cause, Castiel went the only place where he felt welcome, his own little flat that he managed to get hold of after coming out of hospital.

Inside was poorly decorated and hardly furnished, but it was simple, the way that the angel liked it. With his own found humanity he had gained a love for music, especially the old music. This was Dean's fault, the times he had forced the angel into listening to the classic rock which the hunter loved. Seeing the collection that he owned only reminded him of Dean, saddening him to the point where he no longer wanted to even be there. The peeling brown wall paper meant nothing to him now, neither did the scratched wooden flooring which was soon coated in a carpet of crimson.

There was only one known weapon which killed angel's, and that was their very own blades. And angel blade to the heart would put them at rest, finally relieving them from their missions, however it was stupidly easy to get your hands on one of these nowadays. Castiel crumpled into a heap in his dingy little apartment, the illuminating glow coming from his eyes and mouth an inaccurate representation on how he felt on the inside at his time of death. The dullness in his heart was wrongly lit up as he now lay, with his wings outstretched either side of him, confined in the diameter of the small room in which he now lay at rest in the hope that now, he may be able to be with the hunter that he loved more than anything in the world.

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester were buried side by side, under Sam's orders. The ceremony was only short as nobody but a few of the nurses in which helped Cas' to recover only came to grieve him. Dean on the other hand had a few more people. Sam spoke about how him brother was the greatest man that he knew, and that in the moments before Castiel's death he did wrong in accusing him of causing his older brother's death. No matter what words he spoke, what was done was done. People paid their respects and left the men to find each other in another life, hoping that their passion and love for each other will bond them together for the rest of their times.


End file.
